Our brain is divided into distinct areas, each serving specific functions. To illustrate, imagine your hand: your wrist symbolizes the brain stem, responsible for autonomic bodily responses like breathing and heart rate. If you place your thumb across your palm, this represents the “downstairs brain,” in which resides emotions, memories, and senses, and home to the amygdala—the brain’s security guard, responsible for protecting us from potential threats. Folding your fingers over the thumb forms the “upstairs brain,” housing the prefrontal cortex responsible for problem-solving, logic, and rational thought.
During intense emotional moments, such as fear, the brain’s security guard—the amygdala—can “flip our lid,” essentially disabling the “upstairs brain.” This shuts down our ability to think logically and triggers our survival instincts.
Tantrums often occur when a child’s lid is flipped. In his book “The Whole-Brain Child”, renowned clinical professor of psychiatry Dr. Daniel Siegel offers invaluable strategies for effectively managing these reactions. Here are a few that can be helpful:
- Connect and Redirect: Our brain comprises two hemispheres—the logical, analytical left brain and the creative, intuitive and emotional right brain. When a child is upset, beginning by emotionally connecting with their right brain before introducing logical reasoning can be highly effective. This might sound like: “I understand that you are feeling very angry that we have to leave the playground” before “We have to leave the playground because it is time to go home for dinner”.
- Engage, Don’t Enrage: Tantrums can manifest in two forms—an “upstairs brain” tantrum, where the child retains control and the ability to end the tantrum at any point, and a “downstairs brain” tantrum, where they’ve lost control of their body or emotions. Responding appropriately is key. For “upstairs brain” tantrums, maintaining firm boundaries without negotiation is crucial, teaching children the ineffectiveness of such behavior, so that they are less likely to resort to this strategy in the future. However, during a “downstairs brain” tantrum, characterized by a hijacked amygdala, comfort and nurturing support are essential to help soothe the child, thereafter, talking about it once the child has regained control. This might sound like “I understand that you want to continue to play, but this behaviour is not acceptable and it is time to clean up your toys”, for an upstairs brain tantrum. This might look like hugging or rocking the child while they cry and then sound like “I understand that you wanted to continue playing, but it is not ok to throw toys at people when you are mad”, once they are calm.
- Move It or Lose It: Physical activity is another great strategy to help restore emotional balance when a child has disconnected from their upstairs brain. This might look like engaging in activities such as jumping, running or throwing a pillow against the floor. Doing so can assist in calming them down and facilitate the return of self-control.
By understanding the subtleties of tantrums and putting these strategies into action, parents can navigate these challenging moments with empathy and effectiveness, nurturing their children’s emotional strength and resiliency along the way.
Reference:
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Random House.
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