Secure vs Insecure Attachment

Did you know that attachment styles significantly impact how we form relationships? An attachment style is an emotional bond or connection that is created by an individual’s childhood experiences. Attachment style demonstrates how an individual creates and interacts with the people closest to them. Attachment impacts their mindsets and behaviours towards intimate partners. 

Based on a child’s developmental experience they will create secure or insecure attachment. Secure attachment is formed when an individual was born with loving parents that responded to their children’s needs, were emotionally available, and made the child feel safe. If a parent is emotionally unavailable or unpredictable causing the child to feel frightened and the parent wasn’t able to comfort their children in times of need, it most likely created an insecure attachment. 

Anxious & Avoidant Attachment

Building on this, there are two types of insecure attachment styles which are anxious and avoidant. Someone who has an anxious attachment style will have a feeling of being needed, fear of losing the relationship, or even have constant worries that they care more about the relationship than their partner. Whereas someone with an avoidant style will not crave intimacy, often are not looking for emotional connection with others and they would rather not rely on others, or have others rely on them. They tend to value their independence and alone time.

These attachment styles are significant because they are indicators as to why people might conduct protest behaviour in relationships, feel a need for co-dependence from others, or explain why they cannot connect in relationships at all. Many times the reason behind these behaviours allows an individual to be protected as a result of their attachment. 

Attachment Styles Are Not Set In Stone

With all this said, it is important to know that attachment styles are formed early on and yet can be changed. They have an impact on how someone might act in a relationship, however, if you start to understand where your attachment style comes from, more healthy or secure traits can be adapted to create comfort in stable relationships.

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